Photo by Abigail Keenan on Unsplash
We’re told as children to be nice. Be nice even when you don’t feel like it. Smile even when you don’t feel like it, and this fake act will make you will feel better soon. I understood this ideology as a child because children have HUGE mouths and are incredibly inconsiderate. I was bullied through and through for being awkward, not white, and underweight. But, I digress, because this blog is not about that at all.
Children see someone different than them and instinctually feel the need to stare or ask about that person. It’s natural curiosity and is understandable to a point. In fact, it’s usually not malicious. Once they understand they share the world with other people who look different and act differently than them, they usually get it. Hopefully, they will embrace differences and learn from others and co-exist.
Ok, now I am getting to the point…read on!
As adults – adult women, in particular – we are told to just “be nice.” The older I get, the less nice I want to be. I smile at people in public if I’m at the grocery store and we are caught in a shopping cart mishap. I smile when someone smiles at me to be polite. These smiles are fine. The smile that bugs me is when I am actually very uncomfortable and the “just be nice” phenomenon pops into my head.
I go to a Kroger regularly and the produce guy thinks I hung the moon. Everytime he sees me, he tells me if I didn’t have a boyfriend he would be so happy to be with me. I’m the most beautiful women, blah, blah, blaaaah, etc. I smile and humor him to be nice and say thank you, but it is so much unwanted attention it makes me want to leave the store. Will I say anything? No. I don’t know how. I just want to buy fruit and vegetables and go home. It’s more of a hassle to say anything. In fact, the reason he knows I have a boyfriend is because he straight out asked me. I told him I was very happy with my boyfriend. This was seven months ago and he still leaps over every time he sees me enter… right around the apples and pears for some reason. I know I’m just being “nice” as I was taught to.
Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash
I want to encourage more women to not be like me and to say something, like, “You know, I really just want to shop and not be bothered…” or something like that. Something like what? No matter what you say it is a rejection and it’s really uncomfortable to reject someone, more so, if they are just a stranger you’re not even invested in. I continue to shop at the same Kroger and just act like I don’t see him, but I just want all women to recognize that it’s not always your obligation to “be nice” just because someone else’s feelings will be hurt. You don’t need to be nice at all if you don’t feel like it. In fact, I’d love more women to “just be mean.”
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