Photo by Joshua Wordel on Unsplash
I was driving they other day on a road with very heavy construction, and watching the way people drive made me think, “Gawd, these people drive embarrassingly bad. But some are really polite, and others are comical. I should write about this!”
Road rage is common. I see it almost every time I drive anywhere – even a short drive. I imagine it stems from an extremely wide range of emotional people that don’t want to know each other’ in an emotional way’s emotions. Combine that with innately good or bad manners. You probably also feel the same way walking past people you relate to, don’t relate to, could relate to, or don’t ever want to relate to. So when you add the responsibility of essentially walking or running past those same people in a car, things get weird.
We don’t even know how weird we are when we drive, either. Everyone thinks they drive well. Think about the power you have in a car. You, and you alone, control your speed and accuracy. But you also control your decisions and if you aren’t up to the challenge, bad things inevitably happen.
Let’s delve into the expansive, every-growing categories of drivers, from the unobservant, questionably insane, and ignorant, to the sugary sweet and responsible AF drivers.
The Stop sign transplant
Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash
This is the person that stops at a Stop sign, and then just sits there even though it’s their turn to go. So, you wait and wait, then realize if you don’t go, nothing will ever happen. Sometimes, they start to go when you start to go and this really freaks them out. It’s unnecessary and awkward.
Take the car away, and this person is never first in line. They will stand in a line and always ask the person behind them to go before them so they can properly stop at their invisible Stop sign. They are also the ones who perform impromptu dances with you by not being able to go right or left around you at a decent time.
The motorcyclist
If you’re on a motorcycle, I will expect you to speed up between lanes and make everyone nervous. It usually happens. If it doesn’t happen, they are going so slow, you have to pass them with tact. I am mindful of the fact that the motorcyclist is very vulnerable and lacks protection. Therefore, I just give them the space to do whatever they want, really. If they choose to do a wheely then look around for approval, I’ll roll my eyes though.
Take the car away, and you would never be able to identify this person in any way… unless they were are blatantly wearing a motorcycle jacket or Harley Davidson paraphernalia.
The nervous lane weaver
Photo by Erkan Kirdar on Unsplash
This is the person that can’t stay in one lane. They think they will get where they’re going faster if they keep getting in front of people. I usually give them the space to freak out and weave constantly. It’s always funny when I pass them later with no effort.
Take the car away and nothing really changes. These people are the nervous talkers, the ones in doctor waiting rooms that insist on making small talk to fill the silence. Their nervous energy can be felt as soon as they enter the room.
The muscle car/racecar driver
This person is almost always obnoxious. Sorry, but not really sorry. It’s a true stereotype. They rev their engine and make loud sounds for no good reason. It’s idiotic and embarrassing.
Take the car away and you’ve usually got a jock that is so entitled it’s hard to comprehend. He/she is usually overloaded on testosterone and bragging about how they hunt innocent deer.
Drivers that can’t read the room
These are the drivers that just can’t keep up with traffic. They can’t be patient when the road requires them to be and they can’t move fast enough to move out of the way of the ambulance speeding by.
Take the car away, and they are the ones that walk into a room full of sober people and order up a round of drinks. Read the room!
Angry caveperson
The angry caveperson is very dangerous! They act they will hit you or dare you to hit them by slamming on their breaks at really bad times and then speeding up at worse times… leading to the slamming of breaks again. They’re so angry you can see it by the way they drive. How do they even live with this anger?
Take the car away, and this is the person that will pick a fight with anyone…
The texter
This person cannot put their phone down. They just physically cannot do it, even if they know they are causing havoc. Their careless weaving and slamming on their breaks confirms their state.
Take the car away and you’ll have your typical Gen Z at a Starbucks counter. I just realized that statement was harsh, but it’s a true stereotype.
The tailgator
This person has to be no less than six inches from your bumper at all times. They don’t know why and I don’t, either.
Take their car away and I actually don’t know how they would act. Probably something like constantly looking over your shoulder and breathing loudly.
The Texan driver
This person is so used to wide lanes that when the lane is narrow, they don’t know how to stay in the lines. I honk at these people all day. GET BACK IN YOUR LANE, THO!
Sue-happy Sue
Sue is a con-artist. She’s constantly looking to trap someone and then sue them for things they didn’t do. These drivers are extremely scary because they are sociopaths that don’t care who they take advantage of.
I would imagine if you ran into this person in the store and bumped their shoulder slightly, they would violently fall to the ground, screaming, and claim a disability. These people are unethical and total scum.
The perpetual “Student Driver”
These are the people that have the cars that have a Student Driver sticker on them. Sometimes they have more than one sticker! How long have they been driving though? Are they actually a student of driving or are they just really bad at driving?
I’m actually not sure how the perpetual Student Driver would act outside their car. Maybe defensive?
I’m sure there are many more types of bad (and good) drivers out there I haven’t mentioned. Buy yeah, driving is swell!
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